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January 28, So I'm on a few online dating sites. I'm a paying match. I haven't been living in the area I'm living in for long, so I don't know many people.
I'm looking for tips on how to approach that first email to a woman. I'm a man, fyi. I am not really a serial dater; I'm interested in something that could lead to a relationship. I'm old enough that I am interested in settling down with the right person.
But I never know how to open. I've read some other AskMe threads about online dating, but I'd love to hear about techniques that have been effective for you. Or, if you're female, what helps a message to you stand out from the crowd? I've never done any online First letter to someone on a dating site before, but something along the lines of: I was wondering if you wanted to go out or First letter to someone on a dating site sometime, I think your interests as well as mine match pretty well.
Obviously it's to short but I leave it up to your imagination to feel the gap. Just remember the key: In most of my past relationships the women I ended up being more compatible with interest wise have always benefited in the long run. Your mileage may vary Good luck, let me know how it goes, those online sites have always intrigued me. Don't invest too much in the first e-mail because if you do, you will be refreshing your inbox every few minutes and that is an emotional freak out you don't need.
An emotional freak out you don't need especially if you let it show in the second e-mail if you get a reply back. Well, I tend to use the non-sequitur approach. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. You've got to know to read people.
It's much harder from text-based profiles than in person. I try to construct what I think this person might be like in real life, based on the limited bit of info which may or may not be true on their profile. But sometimes this line of thinking helps. Once you figure out what sort of approach a particular person would likely respond to, you decide if you're comfortable saying that.
If the person is arty, and you like art, talk about art. If the person is into sports and you're not, then don't pretend you are. Or, as I said, you could take my approach, and talk about squirrels and cowardice and see if they write back. I've done a lot of this.
I'm now in a relationship, but not one that was initiated online. I would look for females I'm male in my chosen age group who had interesting profiles in terms of my own pastimes, then I'd fire off something brief and chatty, just a couple of paragraphs, referencing the shared interest. The thing about the whole online dating world is that of ten contacts you email out, one will respond negatively "Thanks but you're not a good match for me.
I conducted that experiment at least three times. It's annoying, but there it is One word of advice: Get a photo-savvy friend to take it if all you have is the usual face-forward driver's license shot. One thing that I always did was ask a question about something in the photo provided. For example, "Gee, that's a nice boat you're standing on in your profile photo.
Where was the picture taken? All it shows is interest without making you look desperate or wierd. The other thing I used to do was to email a guy I'm a girland just flat-out tell him what I liked about his profile.
Don't go out of your way to sound "unique" unless you're actually a good writer, as it will probably sound forced otherwise. As long as it's more cogent than "ur hott, i lik ur boobs Be conversational and personable, and mention something unique about her posting so she knows you're not just casting a wide net.
Regardless of how you feel you look, include a picture on your profile. Doing so increases the chance of you getting a response more than anything else. But yea, make sure it's not a picture of your junk sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised at how many people don't follow that rule.
I had great success dating online, with a number of relationships and friendships as a result. The best first emails I got were, in order of importance to me: All the big stuff looking for a serious relationship, First letter to someone on a dating site preferences, religion, etc should either be in your profile already, or saved for a later conversation.
Your appreciation for Iris Murdoch and architectural details First letter to someone on a dating site rather appealing as well. Not to mention your lovely eyes. I'm guessing there's a good chance we might find each other entertaining. Pay attention to your spelling and grammar. What was key to establishing a rapport with someone was that they wrote to me and indicated that they actually read my ad AND has some affinity for it.
If I mentioned a particular film I loved, then a good response would be: That's one of my favorite films, too. Did you like any of P. If you just say "Hi, you sound interesting" then what do I have to respond to? If you notice that she mentions a place, a hobby, a certain perspective that you share, then mention it in your initial response and give her something to respond back to you with.
And don't open with "do you want to go out sometime. I wanted to know more about someone and see how much they were interested in knowing me before I'd go out with them. The guy that I ended up with did exactly this. In fact, he wasn't very close to my stated target demographic but because he continued to offer a chance for conversation and interaction by seeming genuinely interested in me and telling me some very specific things about himself that I could relate to, I was interested in meeting him.
And so we met and a year later got engaged. I'm a gay man.